Day 11 of our Christmas Countdown, and Christmas Day just around the corner, we’ve decided to check up on our favourite hater of the holidays: The Grunch! (Not the Grinch) With some similarity to another character, Watch Advice managed to get an inside scoop on what his watch collection looks like…
Ahh, Christmas: one of the very few times in the world that seems to unite everybody. Whether through religion, family, or just plain old commercialism, the Silly Season is a celebration of the past year and a reflection on what we carry into the next.
It’s also a time when some of us begin to suspend our disbelief a little. We at Watch Advice have done the same, with this fun double-take on our Celebrity Watch Spotting series. Normally, that would involve finding photos of celebs out in the wild with their favourite timepieces, but this time it’s a little different. Because at Christmas, who’s as important and as culturally ubiquitous as the man himself?
If you’ve read a Dr. Seuss novel, you already know the answer! While we can’t really use photos of that character thanks to copyright, but, we’ve decided to create the Watch Advice “Grunch”, who in no way, shape or form resembles a character taken from the Dr. Seuss universe. But we wonder, since the “Grunch” hates Christmas too, what his terrific taste in timepieces might look like. Read on, as I collate some of the finest watches the “Grunch” could be wearing while carrying out his dastardly deeds.
Breitling Navitimer B01 46mm
As the saying goes, “Sketchy dudes wear Breitling.” We don’t make the rules; that’s just how it’s happened. And at Christmastime, no one is sketchier than the “Grunch”, who, according to some, was born with a heart of ice.
So what does he do with this heartlessness? He cleverly disguises himself as Santa and sets out on a fake sleigh to steal Christmas presents. It’s a mammoth task, which is why he’d need a watch built specifically for the job.
If a combination of toughness and aviation pedigree is required, he’d look no further than the Breitling Navitimer B01. While it’s available in the more reasonable 43mm case size, the Grunch is exactly the sort of person who would ignore the unspoken rules of watch wearing. He’d gravitate straight towards the 46mm dark green-dial variant, regardless of whether it fits properly or not.
Not only would it be obnoxiously large on his wrist, much to the ire of enthusiasts and to his own delight, but it’s also a practical watch steeped in rich aeronautical heritage. Its signature slide rule complication allows the wearer to calculate how much fuel remains in the tank, an important feature for the Grunch as he flies around in amakeshift sleigh.
Hublot Big Bang Tourbillon Automatic Green SAXEM
When it comes to his misanthropic nature, the “Grunch” truly comes into his own during the most wonderful time of the year. While we holiday lovers are out enjoying the festivities, he’s far more interested in making as many people as uncomfortable as possible.
In this case, that would also include watch enthusiasts everywhere. So, where better to find a polarising piece than from the masters of excess, Hublot? Released at this year’s LVMH Watch Week, the Big Bang Tourbillon Automatic Green SAXEM feels like the watch the Grunch would most resonate with in his day-to-day life. Limited to just 18 pieces, you could imagine Hublot quietly reserving one for the holiday heel. Although the more likely explanation is that he simply stole it.
Either way, the Big Bang Tourbillon Automatic Green SAXEM isn’t a watch designed to start conversations. It’s one that stops them dead in their tracks, making it perfect for disrupting Christmas cheer. With a brilliant green case crafted entirely from Hublot’s proprietary SAXEM sapphire compound, this timepiece is a true head-turner, statement-maker, and eye-waterer all in one, for all the right reasons.
Ulysse Nardin Freak X OPS
Leaning into his sense of operational villainy, the Grunch wouldn’t settle for just any watch on his nighttime rooftop escapades. He wants a timepiece that is capable, devious, and unmistakably reflective of his devilish personality. For that reason, he would resonate strongly with Ulysse Nardin.
The Freak collection aligns perfectly with his behaviour and his self-image, as he might secretly consider himself a “freak” in his heart of hearts. There’s little doubt that the “Grunch” would possess a massive collection of Freak timepieces, possibly even including the recent UR-FREAK collaboration with Urwerk. But for executing robberies across the world, he needs a Freak specially built for the occasion.
Enter the Freak X OPS, the exact instrument the “Grunch” would use to accomplish his holiday heist. Designed as a tough, covert alternative to the regular Freak lineup, its carbon fibre/titanium composite case makes it one of the most unique watches in Ulysse Nardin’s roster. While still green like the “Grunch” himself, the interlacing black stripes give it a subtle, stealthy aesthetic without compromising its identity. It’s the perfect blend of mischief, mechanical spectacle, and operational efficiency. Everything needed for a “Grunch” seal of approval!
H. Moser & Cie. Pioneer Centre Seconds Concept Citrus Green
It’s not all burglaries and bad attitudes with the “Grunch”, though. I’d suspect that in his watch collection, there are a few treasured pieces he keeps just for himself. The green grouch is a perennial loner, which would give him the freedom to develop a unique and quietly discerning taste in watches. In that respect, he would align closely with H. Moser & Cie., makers of some of the most serious timepieces in the entire industry.
Many of H. Moser’s watches lack overt signage or branding, giving the impression of an everyday piece. I can imagine the “Grunch” taking pride in such an “if you know, you know” watch, making him inclined to own the Pioneer Centre Seconds Concept Citrus Green.
A vibrant, sport-chic reinterpretation of the base Pioneer line, the dial of this watch is completely devoid of branding. Typically, the H. Moser logo is subtly engraved into the dial, but the Pioneer Centre Seconds Concept does away with that entirely. It still houses the same HMC 201 movement — a mechanical marvel for those who have seen it — but it’s not something you’d identify without getting up close. And since few have ever gotten that close to the “Grunch”, it makes for the perfect, seemingly unknown accompaniment to his ill-natured and prideful personality.
Patek Phillipe Grand Complication Ref. 5270P-014
The tale of the “Grunch” comes to an end, though, when he realises that the true meaning of Christmas isn’t gifts, but community and fun. Until that moment, he believed the ultimate goal was material gain. And since the “Grunch” is as greedy as they come in his mission to steal Christmas, it’s fair to assume his watch choices were equally decadent. His most prized horological possession would likely be one of the most coveted watches of all time: a Patek Philippe.
Not just any Patek Philippe, but the Grand Complication Ref. 5270P-014. This “Grunch”-worthy piece, with its deep green dial, is as complex and shamelessly luxurious as any watch can be. Encased entirely in 950 platinum, it exudes quiet confidence and dominance, perhaps echoing the “Grunch’s” own feelings after a successful mission.
Featuring a movement with chronograph, perpetual calendar, and moonphase complications, it’s as indulgent as the “Grunch” himself. A physical manifestation of his seemingly triumphant raid, the Patek Philippe 5270P-014 is the ultimate material victory lap: the horological crown jewel that the “Grunch” rewards himself with — likely through thievery rather than purchase — upon completing his task.
If you aren’t busy on Christmas Day, be sure to tune in tomorrow to see what Sam has proposed for Santa’s watch collection!